Dear So and So

Dear So and So - by (My Fantastic Friend!!!) Mister.Lull (A Guest Post)


-------------


Dear Computer Illiterate Bitch,

You called ME! Fucking respect, you ignorant piece of shit! Yell at me one more god-damn time for something YOU did – I DARE you. You know what? I don’t think you’re smart enough to own a PC. Go out and get a fucking Mac.

Sincerely,
The Help Desks (yes, plural, as in all of them)


--------------------------------------------


Dear Spare Time,


I miss you. Please come back. I’ll appreciate you more!


Love,
Me


--------------------------------------------


Dear Inner Geek,


What we have together is special, and unique – but you have to understand; nobody can know about you! Our time together is precious and I wouldn't trade it for anything but, so help me, I will push you down so fucking deep into our subconscious that you’ll have to develop an inner secret personality of your own just to keep from going mad from loneliness if you EVER come out in the middle of a conversation with my wife’s coworkers again.Do we understand one another? Good.


Signed,
You… er, Me


--------------------------------------------

Dear Diary,


Jackpot!


Who Else But,
Quagmire


--------------------------------------------


Dear Stereotypical Soccer Mom Driving an Otherwise Empty SUV Talking on Your Cell Phone While Holding a Grande Triple Shot Decaf Cinnamon Dolce Latte with Extra Foam who is Recklessly Trying to Merge Into Rush Hour Freeway Traffic,


Really? REALLY?!?!


Seriously,
Everyone


--------------------------------------------


Dear Salma Hayek,

Please read this and come visit me. I’m really quite a nice person,and wouldn’t make any unwanted advances. We could have a wonderful dinner for two by candle light, then go out for a few drinks or something. Perhaps we could become friends, and hang out once in awhile. I think you'd be a really interesting person to get to know,and I'll bet we have a lot of things in common.

Also, I’d like to fuck you until neither of us can walk straight.

Adoringly,
Me

----------------------------------------------------------------


Mįşтєя.Łџłł


Now,
Ya'll should really go visit Kat for more Dear So and So goodness!

Dear So and So

Dear Neighbor Child,

Really? You could stop bringing your 'kick me' dog over to my fence any time now! My dogs would really love to eat your puppy and next time I may just let them. Your little 'kick me' dog is no match for the hounds that live here. Seriously, they kill shit daily.

Not wanting your puppy to be lunch,
Your neighbor

_______________________________________________________

Dear Neighbor Child's Mother,

I do appreciate your attempts to wrangle your child and puppy away from my fence when all hell breaks loose. Could you possibly say it like you mean it next time though?! ""Child" get away from there." isn't really working, if you haven't noticed.

About to have some words with you,
Your Neighbor

_______________________________________________________

Dear Channel, (misspelled on purpose)

Please, please, pleaseeeeeeee bring back my favorite long wear lip color!!!! I only have one tube left and so help me I am savoring every last ounce of it! I cannot live without it and no, a similar color will not do! It seriously stays on forever and ever. Eating, drinking, fucking, sleeping, EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!

Begging and fucking pleading here,
Loyal Customer

_______________________________________________________


Dear bitches in this house,

I cannot wait to have you all spayed. Seriously, all of you in season at the same time? Are you trying to kill me and the boys? Funny...

Off to self medicate,
Your devoted servant

_______________________________________________________

Dear ohmygahwtfdoyouwantdipshit,

Seriously, enough.

Sincerely pissed off,
thepersontryingtohelpyourass

________________________________________________________

Now go on over to Kat's for some more fabulous Dear So and So action!!!